It can be difficult to tell your friends and family that you are in recovery. It involves being open about your substance use disorder, which can make you feel vulnerable or anxious. It’s crucial to keep in mind that you can’t control others’ reactions to what you share with them. You only have control over your words and actions. With this idea in mind, here are some tips to help you discuss recovery with your loved ones.
Prepare for the Conversations in Advance
Don’t start the conversation without having some idea in advance about what you want to say. The last thing you want is to start speaking to someone and get off topic.
You may want to cover two or three points in the first conversation and then let your friend or family member think about what you have shared. For example, you may want to focus on these points:
- “I am living with substance abuse disorder, which is a brain disease.”
- “Treatment has helped me to understand my disease and how to manage my life without using chemicals like drugs and alcohol.”
- “I’m in recovery, which is an ongoing process that I need to monitor daily for the rest of my life.”
Choose the First Person you Want to Tell
Ideally, the first person you decide to talk to should be someone with whom you feel comfortable speaking. Let them know you would like to discuss something really important to you.
It’s okay to share that this is something you’ll be sharing with your inner circle and that you’ve chosen this person to be the first to know. They will no doubt listen more carefully and be happy to help you smooth out any issues with your “delivery.”
Once you have opened up to one person you know well, sharing information about your recovery becomes easier with others.
Find a Time When You Won’t Be Interrupted
Before discussing an important subject with someone, ensure you are approaching them at the right time. Both of you need to be able to focus on the conversation without interruptions.
It may be best to set up a time in advance when both of you can speak privately. Get in the car and take a short drive to a spot where you can both focus on what’s being said without concern about being overheard.
Think About What Kind of Support you Need
Before you approach family members and friends about your recovery, think about how they can support you in your journey of continued sobriety. Provide them with specific suggestions on how they can support you.
Keep in mind that some people won’t understand right away that being sober doesn’t mean that you can’t just “go for one beer” with them. It doesn’t work that way. You have adopted a new lifestyle that no longer includes alcohol. Period. It works the same way with drugs.
Consider What Your Loved Ones Need from You
Hopefully, your family and friends will be loving and supportive of your recovery from the outset. They will ask how they can help you continue to stay sober and get on board immediately. In a perfect world, that’s exactly how things would work.
We know that the world isn’t perfect, and people often fall short of each other’s expectations. One of addiction’s characteristics is that it tears families and friends apart due to the addict’s behaviors. In the case of addiction, there are often repeated behaviors that contribute to trust issues. Once the trust has been broken, it can take considerable time to rebuild it.
Be prepared for your family and friends to be happy that you have gone to treatment and come out on the other side clean and sober. They may be hesitant to trust you in your sobriety. In their minds, they have good reason to be hesitant.
- Do they need you to apologize for past behaviors? Some people need to hear the words in order to move forward. Ask them if this is something they need to hear from you.
- Do they need time to digest what you have told them? Other people will take their time considering the information they have learned before they can decide what kind of relationship they will have with you going forward.
If some people in your life choose to stay focused on the past and refuse to accept that you have changed, then you may need to let them go, even though this is a painful situation.
Iron Bridge Recovery Center offers continuing care for clients who have completed their residential treatment. Responding to the challenges of friends and family members’ attitudes after leaving treatment is one of the topics that trained counselors can address in individual and group therapy sessions.
